no. you can't hotbox the world.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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