I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
