Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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