his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
