like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
did you just send me my own nude
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
