Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
