my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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