I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
