I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
