Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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