Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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