the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
