Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
