You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
