Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What drink are we having for lunch?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
