His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
