you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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