look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
