Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
