i'm signing you up for texting rehab
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
