fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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