Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
