The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
