Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The feeling are messing with the penis
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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