I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
