I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
