Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize