I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
