i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
