she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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