i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
