i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
