ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so let's talk penis.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
