so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize