lets start a swedish sibling band together
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
