I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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