kristin has been a bad kristin
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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