Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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