Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
