i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
