hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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