It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
