haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
