OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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