Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
