Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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