In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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