the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
