My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
