If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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