He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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