i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
