Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
