hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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