His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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