He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
