therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
