I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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