I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
