Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
