i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
