the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
