Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
last night I used snow as a chaser
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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