Your mouth is God's brothel.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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