Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
