dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize