I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
