I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
