just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
