the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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