i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
