we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
